Ceremony & Reception · 6 min read

Writing Vows That Don't Sound Like Everyone Else's

A fill-in framework, timing tips, and when to ban inside jokes.

Good vows sound like the two of you on a long drive, not like a greeting card that went to grad school. The framework that works: one true thing about how you met, one thing you have already survived together, one promise that would still matter if the photos were lost, and one sentence that would make your partner laugh without excluding the room.

Time yourself out loud. Ninety seconds is plenty; two minutes is the ceiling. If you cry, that is extra — do not write a four-minute piece that assumes a steady voice. Print in a large font, number the pages, and give a copy to the officiant in case the wind or your hands have opinions.

Inside jokes are a spice, not a meal. If the punchline requires a story from a group chat, skip it. The people in the chairs include your partner’s coworkers and your great-aunt. They should leave knowing something about your marriage, not about a nickname.

Write separately, share 48 hours before the ceremony if you want to avoid a surprise that derails you, or don’t if the surprise is the point. Either way, ban new promises you have not discussed — “I vow to move to Lisbon” is a conversation, not a vow. Practice once. Then stop practicing so it is still yours on the day.